Democrats "Kick Ass"!

Washington, DC (Rotters) – Republicans were sent reeling today by results from yesterday’s off year elections. Democrats swept the hotly contested governorships of New Jersey and Virginia, and California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was sent a stinging political rebuke as all of his proposed initiatives appear to have been defeated. Democrats trumpeted the results as a rebuff by the American public over the direction that the Bush administration has misled the country. Republicans downplayed the results as merely the Democrats being able to “barely” hold on to a number of positions that they already held.

President Bush and new Republican mascot “Greedar” react to yesterday’s election results

RNC Chairman and possible Vice Presidential replacement Ken Mehlman stated, “Sure, this is a little bit of a wake up call leading into the key 2006 election cycle, but nothing more… we won’t be caught napping. Our agenda for the “Contract on America” continues, and we intend to have the entire country outsourced before the next Presidential Election, so it will be a moot point.”

President Bush viewing his specially prepared briefing at the Latin American Summit last week

White House spokesman Trent Duffy stated, “It’s still business as usual for President Bush here at the White House, and he holds no grudges against Kilgore, Forrester, and Schwarzenegger for their squandering of his valuable political capital. The President is more interested in getting to the bottom of the leaks of classified information recently from within the Senate in regards to the malicious rumors of CIA torture facilities abroad. Classified rumors are a dangerous thing, and those who reveal them should be punished severely. We will continue to support our troops in the field by maintaining our legal rights to spread rumors of torture to frighten and combat the enemies of Freedom and Democracy.”