Dennis Hastert to be Waterboarded for answers

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The recent torture legislation now gives FBI agents the authority to waterboard anybody they wish, including Congressman Dennis Hastert. FBI agents are now saying they intend to waterboard Dennis Hastert in order to find out information about what he knows about the disgraced former Congressman Mark Foley.

Although Congressman Dennis Hastert is now saying that waterboarding is torture, many well-respected and credible people defend waterboarding, and so it would be hard to compare it to torture.

FOX News host Bill O’Reilly says that waterboarding is simply putting a little water on the face. Hardly torture. As many in the government say, this is simply an alternative interrogation method.

Congressman Dennis Hastert said, “I am now changing my position on waterboarding. I think waterboarding is definitely torture.”

FBI spokeswoman Dee Seaver responded to Hastert’s statement with this statement: “Waterboarding? Torture? Even the Vice President of the United States, Dick Cheney, would say otherwise.”