Department of Homeland Security Announces 2006 Election Terror Alert Schedule

Unconfirmed Sources has received the Terror Alert Schedule for the upcoming 2006 congressional election season. The Terror Alert Schedule lays out the dates and alert levels for the for the next twelve months. The previously top secret schedule has been released so that candidates can better plan statements and campaign events in relation to the alert periods. It’s going to be a busy year with several periods of high alert and at least one period at the top of the scale just before the November elections.

Departments of Homeland Security head Michael Chertoff released the schedule at news conference Sunday morning and spoke briefly with reporters.

“We’ve got a very busy election season coming up with lots of things to coordinate so we decided that announcing the schedule ahead of time would cut a lot of red tape and avoid any unnecessary confusion. These terror alerts catch many people off guard and can really hamper the smooth operation of government and public transportation. We here at the DHS have learned our lesson from Katrina and hope this plan will keep everybody informed.”

Washington insiders agree releasing the schedule will save lots of trouble and confusion.

“Before the last presidential election we had several very poorly planned alerts.” Admits White House strategist Karl Rove. “We did our best to capitalize on them, but it was a lot of work. In a few cases we only knew a month ahead of time and that just isn’t enough time to plan really good campaign events around a terror alert. We did it and they really helped us in our re-election effort, but knowing ahead on time the whole year’s terror alerts will make planning of congressional election efforts much easier.”

“It’s about time DHS got it’s act together and really helped America through a tough time.” Says Republican strategist Charles Krauthammer. “Terror alerts are a great election year tool and coordinating their use is very great improvement over the last election cycle. I think DHS might have felt a little timid after the trouble they had in the 2004 election, maybe that is why they haven’t called a terror alert since then. I’m glad to see they are over that and have healthy alert season planned out. No doubt about it terror alerts are a political tool, its time we got serious about using them.”

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