United States President George W. Bush visited the Storm ravaged Gulf Coast once again this week and for the first time since Hurricane Katrina struck there is evidence that the President’s repeated trips there are doing some good for his image. Surprisingly, some of those who were killed in the storm and it’s aftermath have begun to rise from the dead, apparently satisfied that Mr. Bush really does care and willing to continue their previous support for him and policies.
One victim, who died on day three of the post-Katrina flooding in New Orleans, killed by a looter for a gallon of water he held and whose name is being withheld pending notification of next of kin of his coming back to life said, “I know that some of my last words were cursing the people who left me here to die of thirst in the heat and filth, but I truly believe that George Bush now really understands the problems we impoverished Blacks face, both before and after death, and I felt it was important for me to come back from the dead and give him my support.”
Another victim, who died of thirst and heat stroke on day four echoed the previous sentiment adding, “Not only is it worth coming back from death now that President Bush finally cares, it’s my understanding that this new Gulf Coast Economic Zone will be better than Heaven anyway, so what’s the point of staying dead?”
These sentiments were echoed in makeshift morgues all over the Gulf Coast Region, as hundreds of body bags began to rip open and disgorge those who had lost their lives in the post storm abandonment, their resurrections in support of Mr. Bush proving to the White House that the President might be able to get ahead of the criticism he faced while New Orleans Drowned and he did nothing.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “I gotta admit, we were worried there for a week or two, but deep down inside we were sure that our efforts to gloss over our fatal mistakes by promising to throw cash at the survivors while at the same time ruling out a tax hike for the unaffected would bring everybody back in line. The big problem wasn’t the Immersed and Impoverished in New Orleans; after all, even if they ever did vote they’d probably go Democrat. Instead, we realized that a great many of the Washed Away in the outlying Parishes of Louisiana as well as the Drenched Dead in Alabama and the Soggy Survivors in Mississippi were a part of our Christian Base and we sure didn’t want to piss them off with the Congressional elections coming next November. By that time, George Bush plans to have not only drowned them in Katrina’s floodwaters but also buried them under a pile of cash as well. Nothing will help bring out the vote like our new “Bucks For The Base” initiative.”
Oddly, while the dead of the Gulf Coast seem to have forgiven Mr. Bush and returned to the living, some of the survivors are still upset with the President, one saying that what she once thought was a cute grin actually was the self satisfied smirk of a man who just doesn’t give a shit.