Dick Cheney Has Heart Problems, John Roberts v. Iran, Muslims Claim Racism Over Port Deal And Osa…

(Dubai, U.A.E.) Dubai Ports World announced this week that it would pull out of a deal that would have put major U.S. waterfronts in Arab control. Instead, the ports will be turned over to a, as yet, unnamed U.S. company. White House reaction was swift. Both Associate Press and The Star reporters confirmed Vice President Dick Cheney clutching his chest, stumbling around the Rose Garden muttering, “Please don’t let the company be Halliburton, please don’t let the company be Hailliburton.”

(London, England) Reaction in the Arab world over the port pull out was polarized, from rage to homicidal rage. The London based Muslim newspaper, Al-Quds Al-Arabi, in an Editorial stated, “The excuses that the U.S. Congress used to oppose this deal were racist.” In reaction to the editorial, a massive rumbling in the Atlanta area, originally thought to be an earthquake, was actually Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. turning over in his grave.

(New York, NY) As Iran continues to do its best Ralph Kramden ha-ma-na, ha-ma-na with the IAEA, the UN Security Council began to formulate a resolution that it would present to Iran. Sources claim the document will contain language that will make it clear all the power of the UN will come to bear on Iran. The opening line begins, “Look, you better start complying