Dick Cheney Held As Material Witness In Kabul Bombing

United States Vice President Dick Cheney was briefly held as a material witness by the Afghan government of Hamid Karzai in connection with a suicide bombing outside a US military base in Kabul. According to Afghan police, the explosion, which killed more than fifteen people, seems to be part of an ongoing turf war between the ultra-conservative Taliban forces and the drug lords who have the support of the equally ultra-conservative Bush Family’s consigliore.

According to Afghan sources, the US, which invaded the then Taliban controlled Afghanistan in late 2001 as a response to the September 11 attacks, quickly formed alliances with opium growers in that country, which had the effect of making the United States the leading exporter of heroin on the planet. At the outset of that invasion the American’s seemed to have the upper hand, driving the Taliban underground. Unfortunately, thinking it’s new territory to be under control and in it’s drive to expand it’s turf, the Bush Cartel moved it’s resources and soldiers into the invasion of Iraq.

Newly renamed Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Youse guys gotta understand…we figured we was Jake in Afghanistan. We had da territory under control, we was able to cut deals with da local network and da shipments was rolling. We decided we could take out Iraq next and finally go legit with the oil thing, but it all got fucked up. Them Taliban mugs wasn’t dead, they just went to da mattresses for awhile. Now they almost took out da Boss’s consigliore wit a car bomb. Geez, them guys is hard to put down.”

Continuing to speak on the condition that the FBI wasn’t tapping his phone or bugging his Capitol Hill social club, Waterhouse said, “Da Afghan Narcs grabbed Cheney in connection with the bombing; I tink dey was hopin to get some idea of how the Bush Family works, but that Dick knows how ta keep his fuckin mouth shut, let me tell youse, so dey had ta cut him loose. Den Dick went into da wind for Pakistan and a sit-down with our friend Musharraf…now, dat guy is solid.”