Dick Cheney to join Stewart '08 Campaign

(Ucs News International) With the abrupt departure of Stephen Colbert, The Stewart campaign has been searching for a suitable running mate to balance the Stewart ’08 ticket. According to his campaign manager Jon has settled on the perfect vice Presidential candidate. After an intensive negotiation Jon Stewart announced that Dick Cheney will join his campaign.

With Cheney standing at his side Stewart detailed the logic of his choice. “Dick Cheney is a blood coved attack dog with no soul. He’s not the guy I want as an enemy, I asked him to join my team.” When asked how Cheney could be induced to join the Stewart ’08 campaign Stewart explained. “I paid Dick a shit pile of money and promised him a full pardon and agreed to let him and Donald Rumsfeld invade Iran, Syria and Jordan.”

According to Stewart campaign strategists Dick Cheney has honed his skills as the baddest bad cop around. No matter what Jon says Dick will come back with something much worse to divert the worlds attention. “No matter how low I sink in the pools there will always be someone rated lower and like the best dog Cheney is loyal.” said Stewart.

When told of his replacement by Dick Cheney, Stephen Colbert praised the Stewart campaigns choice. According to Colbert , “Dick Cheney knows how to keep the base fired up, fired up with guns, guts, god and gasoline.”

When asked “Can you keep Dick Cheney on the leash?” Stewart said “Hell no why would I want to that. Dick is a one man PR wrecking crew no leash required.” “Yes, he is a bloviating, hypocritical wind bag , but nows he’s my bloviating, hypocritical wind bag.” Stewart closed the press conference by explaining “What can I say, he’s the junk yard dog, I want in my junkyard.”

bloviate \BLOH-vee-ayt\, intransitive verb:
To speak or write at length in a pompous or boastful manner.