Dick Cheney Unmasked Before Debate! It's Worse Than We Ever Imagined!

Unconfirmedsources report that Dick Cheney will be forced to remove his mask for the Vice Presidential debate. In an amazing turn of events the Democratic debate negotiating team scored a major coup going into the Case Western debate. While the Bush/Cheney team focused attention to the lighting and temperature of the debate site the Kerry/Edwards team inserted the “no facial mask clause” into the 64-page memo of understanding.

Only after the agreement was signed did the Bush/Cheney team realize they had made an error. “We missed it, score a point for John Edwards.” Said a Bush/Cheney staffer. “Dick (Darth Vader) Cheney is not afraid to run on his record, but it would have been nice to keep the mask on.”

Karl Rove speaking to Reporters in Ohio said. “Why should it matter that Dick has been revealed as a major force of Evil in the galaxy? This does not change what he has accomplished for the Bush administration.”

Others close to the campaign are more concerned that revealing Dick Cheney’s true identity as Darth Vader may affect some voters in swing states. “The voters of Florida have seen enough darkness recently and may be looking for a more hopeful message.” Admitted a Bush/Cheney campaign staffer

Critics of the administrations policy are now blaming Dick Cheney for the increasing chaos in Iraq. “The situation in Iraq clearly shows the hands of Evil are at work inside the administration.” Said one Washington insider. “The work done by Cheney bears all the signatures of the Dark Side of The Force.”

Experts studying the Dark side of The Force, fear others in the Pentagon, Senate, or the Whitehouse are also using the dark Energy for political advantage. Robert Novak, Noted CNN political analyst and Republican mouthpiece, said recently “The Dick Cheney ‘terror strike’ message has not been a real battle cry to rally around, and with his true identity exposed as Darth Vader only the party faithful will be comfortable with this amount of evil so close to the president.”

The Jedi Master Yoda speaking from seclusion is concerned. He recently spoke to the media about Cheney and admitted, “I’m a conservative and I feel strongly about the traditional Republican positions on the economy and social issues, but with Darth Vader on the Bush team… John Kerry is now the obvious choice for swing voters.”

John Edwards is said to be thrilled to “Finally be able to stand up to the true face of The Republican Party”. Edwards also said. ” I can feel it now, the Force is flowing within me.”

One Democratic strategist agreed that Edwards would have an easier time winning the debate against Vader. “I don’t know about you, but I would much rather face Darth Vader than the balding head and fleshly face of Dick Cheney.”