Dixie Chicks To Kick Off 2006 Summer Rendering Tour

(Washington, D.C.) Have the Dixie Chicks themselves been rendered by the CIA or is it part of their unrepentant attitude toward President Bush to play for CIA rendered prisoners? The official word is that in a show of patriotic compassion the band has joined forces with their old adversary to entertain enemy combatants because “Muslims like Country too.”

According to a statement issued by newly minted CIA Chief, Michael Hayden, “The Dixie Chicks have not been rendered because officially there is no such thing as rendering. The U.S., being the Costco of world compassion, asked the group to perform for certain captives whose location, along with that of said Chicks, cannot be revealed for the sake of national security.” The statement went on to say that the band offered to extend their tour “indefinitely and at undisclosed locations out of a new found patriotism, regardless of unfounded reports of either stun guns or chloroform.”

Hayden said that this part of “the tour was just an extension of the Taking the Long Way Tour. Call it Taking The Really, Really, Really Long Way. ” And it was not due to Natalie Manes’ statement that she was embarrassed to be from the same state as President Bush. To prove his point, Hayden revealed a video clip of Manes, flanked by her band mates. Hayden explained the orange jumpsuits marked “Prisoner” the women were wearing as a new musical direction, “country gangsta.” On the video, Manes said, “I am not here against my will. Being with these prisoners, I see that they are poor misguided souls whom we love by keeping behind bars. George Bush told us. George Bush is our leader. We must listen to our leader. Praise Bush.” Manes then fell face forward, as the remaining Chicks chanted, “Praise Bush.”

President Bush is behind the Dixie Chicks, saying at a White House Press Conference to address the Hadatha Investigation, “I’m glad Natalie and the rest of the Chicks have gone in a new musical direction. I love that country gangsta stuff. And considering what’s been going on lately, I can truly say that I’m glad they’re somewhere out there.” When the question of rendering came up, President Bush immediately told the reporter who asked it, “This isn’t Iraq. It’s the United States. Just ask The Dixie Chicks. Wait, you can’t. By the way, what’s your name?”

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