Dollar Bill Gets Cut Down to Size

Unconfirmed sources report that the dollar bill will be reduced in size by 20% starting next year. The Bureau of Engraving and Printing also indicated that the size reductions will apply to all paper money in the American currency system. The new bills will be released next year and the entire conversion should be completed within three years.

The change has caught many Americans by surprise and the director of The Bureau of Engraving and Printing has come under fire.

“I know this sounds like a big deal,” says Larry R. Felix, Director of BEP. “But the truth is we have been living with a smaller dollar for well over a year now. We are making this change to reflect the actual value of the dollar today. Sure the dollar used to be worth a dollar, but lets face it…the dollar just ain’t what it used to be.”

While many have greeted the news with distaste, some groups are applauding the news of the coming changes.

“This is a real winner for America,” says Reid Bucknell, of The American Tree Federation. “A twenty 20% reduction in the size of our currency is going to mean a huge annual tree savings. Not to mention the reduced pollution that will come from not having to bleach so much paper. This is a good step. I would have preferred a transition to a hemp based paper, but this is still an improvement.”

Director Felix figures the 20% reduction in size should do for now, but warns that a further reduction may be required if the value of the dollar continues to shrink.