BREEZEWOOD, Penna. – Domestic diva Martha Stewart was arrested for soliciting at a truck stop in Breezewood, Pennsylvania, early this morning just hours after she had been released from Alderson Federal Prison Camp in Alderson, WV. The 63-year-old Stewart, who had been serving a five-month sentence for lying to federal agents regarding her insider trading activities, was released two weeks early because prison officials wanted to avoid the media crunch that had accompanied Stewart’s arrival Alderson last October.
Stewart was wearing a black leather jacket, skin-tight jeans, and a throwback Ann-Margret wig at the time of her arrest. She was apprehended after a female truck driver complained to Hazel Stark, night manager of the Pump, Dump, and Jump truck stop, that a woman in the ladies’ shower room had offered to “clean her carpet” in exchange for a “ride east.” Stark immediately dispatched an undercover security guard to the shower, and when Stewart approached her with the same offer, Stewart was arrested.
Alderson warden Lanny Gear was surprised to learn that Stewart had been apprehended. “That caught all of us here in the Alderson family by surprise,” said Gear, “like somebody sneaking up you in the shower. Sure, Martie had a few rough moments at first, getting used to the fact that the other prisoners didn’t know what “conundrum” meant and discovering that “face time” has a different connotation in prison than it does in corporate circles.”
Nevertheless, said Gear, Stewart worked hard at being a model prisoner. She charmed fellow inmates with her skill at turning leftovers into gourmet appetizers–and with the pubic hair topiary sculptures she fashioned. The amazingly lifelike cr