Donald Rumsfeld: "Yes, I AM Funny!"

(Washington, D.C.) If you look in Donald Rumsfeld’s closet, under the autopsy photos of Uday and Qusay, you’ll find a very dusty dribble glass. Now, Donald Rumsfeld is ready to come out of the closet and revealed his sense of humor. Yesterday, he announced at a Defense Department Press Conference: “I don’t have a funny bone. I have an entire skeleton.” The line was punctuated by a rim shot courtesy of Condoleezza Rice in a show of unity between the Departments of Defense and State.

Rumsfeld immediately reacted to it. “They call the State Department Foggy Bottom, and that Condi has one sweet horn.” The line was followed by a series of knock, knock jokes culminating in: “Knock, knock?” Rumsfeld posed the question to the Defense Department press corps who gave a collective albeit confused: “Who’s there?” “Not Colin Powell,” quipped Rumsfeld with a Rice rim shot.

Speculations as to why Rumsfeld then put on a novelty Valkyrie helmet were varied. Veteran White House reporter, Sam Donaldson, believed it “clearly indicates a tendency toward prop comedy, especially with the rim shot.”

Humor genre aside, the reason as to why Rumsfeld decided at this juncture to reveal his lighter side was clearly stated by the Secretary of Defense Comic. “I don’t see why war and humor have to be mutually exclusive. Have any of you folks seen M*A*S*H?” A misplaced rim shot and a stern look by Rumsfeld to Rice belied Rumsfeld’s earlier statement that “we’ll be ready to open in Branson by spring.”

The reason for the humor “outing” may go deeper, according to a White House source who agreed to speak on the condition of absolute anonymity, preferring only to go by the number 43. “Ever since he saw that tape of Bin Laden doing stand up, he’s been on a mission. He goes around mumbling things like: ‘RPG is a funny sounding word