Dood Poet's Society: A Limerickal Look at 2006's Top Stories

A day later he called it a thumpin,
This rejection of partisan stumpin,
Now Bush seeks to reframe,
Thus preserving his fame,
Kills more troops as both countries are crumpin’…

(The rest of the top stories after the fold!)

Bush gave in and surrendered ol’ Rummy,
Cured the thumpin’ that bothered his tummy,
Said he heard the debates,
Then came crashing with Gates,
With Iraq now a big undead mummy…

He was finally broken, this Hammer,
A deceitful Republican scammer,
Tom was then all agog,
Delay for his new blog,
Pundits trashed it as he could but yammer…

We’ve now lost the Godfather of Soul,
James Brown’s death leaves a musical hole.
But along comes Jong-Il,
Dad’s shoes hoping to fill,
The Nuclear Godfather of Seoul…

Jack Abramoff ‘fessed up to his guilt,
We muck through his Republican silt.
The Scottish duffing’s the thing,
‘Twas not bi-partisan bling,
That brought down the great house that Tom built…

The Big Easy’s not looking so loverly,
Amidst FEMA’s newly touted discovery,
How they’ll try to respond,
To all those who’d abscond,
Adds new meaning to Katrina recovery…

Albert Gore spoke the power to truth,
Global Warming’s now not so uncouth.
Inconvenient meltwater,
All agree that it’s hotter,
Polar bears relocate to Duluth…

The pederast that emerged in Mark Foley,
Forced Dennis Hastert to hide the un-holy.
Mark’s attentions to pages,
All despite tender ages,
Helped Republicans push up gladioli…

“Spilled Milk!” the Republicans are cryin,
All these trials over influence buyin.
While Ney couldn’t say nay,
Duke got duked making hay,
And George Ryan’s convicted for lyin…

Can’t bring my Coke on the plane now, gee wiz…
And my shampoos and hair gels fail their quiz.
Flying nude is our lot,
As they tracked down this plot,
The liquid bomb seems ’twas nothing but fizz…

Big Dick sprayed his old friend with his gun,
“There’ s no booze here involved,” it was spun,
Harry might have been safer,
Form his old buddy strafer,
If Dick’s gun used Viagra for fun…

He was hung by the neck until dead,
While his country in chaos still bled,
Found no WMD’s
Saw him in BVD’s
Now George Bush through Saddam seeks his creds…

Poor Pluto’s removed as a planet,
It’s fate ever written in granite.
Classified as sub-standard,
Was it just gerrymandered,
Stopping folks who’d optically scan it?

Hydrogenation’s officially hated,
Health effects are no longer debated.
As the war on trans fats,
Falls to withering stats,
Legalization of pot is sedated…

Gerry Ford once remarked he’s no Lincoln,
But George Bush says he’s like Ford he’s thinkin’
Says he’s making tough choices,
Sloughing critical voices,
Methinks that his comparison’s stinkin…

Have a safe and Happy New Year!