Unconfirmed sources report that the city of Dover Pennsylvania has been destroyed. FEMA officials are on the scene and indicate that the devastation of the once proud city is utterly complete. The devastation was caused by a massive storm of fire and brimstone that engulfed the city yesterday as predicted by Reverend Pat Robertson. Robertson had warned of ill tidings for the city after it’s residents ousted eight school board members who forced creationism into the Dover high school curriculum.
“I hate to say I told you so,” said Reverend Pat Robertson. “but I told you this would happen. The godless people of Dover have brought this destruction upon themselves. There is no one else to blame for this disaster of biblical proportions. This should stand as a lesson to others that Intelligent Design is the will of God and should he be denied, God will be very upset.”
“I’ve never seen anything like it.” Said Ted Helms, who was near Dover when it was destroyed. “I saw a flash out the corner of my eye and looked over to see a huge column of flames jetting right out of the ground. Then the brimstones started and that was all she wrote. I’m kind of sad about it really, there was a gas station in Dover I liked to shop at. They had good donuts.”
FEMA puts the death toll at more than 23,000 and damage estimates in the millions of dollars. The FEMA team that landed by helicopter where Dover was supposed to be found only smoking rubble. Every tree, building, and structure of any type, has been destroyed. The rebuilding of Dover is going to be a massive undertaking and is expected to take years.
The Congress has sprung into action and unanimously passed a constitutional amendment to assure that Intelligent Design is taught in every school and that all mention of evolution and Darwin be struck from country’s libraries and schools. The president has signed the bill and state legislatures across the nation are already approving the measure.
The Keep America Safe From Gods Wrath Amendment is expected to be approved nationwide by late this evening.