Unconfirmed sources report that a pack of several hundred drunken sailors attacked and briefly occupied the US Congress last week. The sailors fresh of a tour aboard the USS Ronald Regan apparently mistook the Congress for a Hooters restaurant and became unruly when they discovered their mistake. The sailors severely damaged both chambers of the congress and also passed a ruinously expensive $388 billion budget package for next year. Navy MPs and Capitol security then raided the Congress and dispersed the sailors.
“America is going to be living with the consequences from these sad events for years.” Lamented Don Nickles of the Congressional Budget Office. “These drunken sailors have spent the American Government into a serious hole. This budget is either an amazing display of foolhardy economic optimism or complete detachment from reality. Whichever way you slice it this is a budget that our kids are going to be paying for.”
Other Washington insiders are greeting the new budget with shear admiration. “I don’t know how they did it.” Said Greg Phelps of the Heritage Foundation. “Those drunken sailors managed to craft a very pro-business budget with just the right amount of tax breaks for well healed special interests. Some people might call this budget reckless spending, but I like to think of it as a hopeful pro-growth strategy that looks carefully at the here and now and lets the future deal with the future.”
“Greg is right about one thing.” Said Herbert Hausfeld of Citizens for a Tax Free America. “This budget is a budget for the moment and not one that worries overly much about the future. I think that is a great way to make a budget in the current political climate. We can’t think about the future and enforce our will on those that will come after us. It will be up to them to make their own decisions so I think doing what ever we want heedless of the cost is a good way to go.”
The sailors from the Ronald Reagan could not be reached for comment as they have returned to sea on an emergency deployment to the Persian Gulf.