E-E-T News: Mr. Chastity Bono, Madonna Goes Native And Miss Kalifornia

(Atlanta-GA) Marine Rick Duncan said he survived the attacks on the Pentagon of September 11th. He then claimed surviving a roadside bomb in Iraq. The problem? He was never a Marine or even in the United State Armed Forces. And his name isn’t Rick Duncan. It’s Richard Strandlof. But Strandlof claims he is not a pathological liar. He says he is afflicted with “some severely underdiagnosed mental illness” that swept him up with a group of “people who are passionate and loved what they did.” Former Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld have yet to say with what form of mental illness they were afflicted that caused them to claim Saddam Hussein was linked to the September 11th attacks.

(Malawi-Africa) Malawi’s high court ruled that pop superstar Madonna will be able to adopt a young girl, Mercy James, after a lower court blocked the adoption earlier this year. The 50-year old MILF pop star said she is “…extremely grateful for the Supreme Court’s ruling on my application to adopt Mercy James. I and my family look forward to sharing our lives with her.” On hearing the news, rival Hollywood Earth Mother Angelina Jolie, filed a petition with the Malawi Supreme Court to “blanket adopt any orphans that exist or may exist in perpetuity.”

(Los Angeles-CA) Now Ex Miss California Carrie Prejean claims it’s her opposition to same-sex marriage that got her fired. It was her answer to the question from Judge Perez Hilton during the pageant, asking Prejean her opinion of gay marriage that sparked the controversy. Prejean’s answer, marriage should be exclusively between a man and a woman. After her firing, Prejean said, “None of this would be happening right now if I just said, ‘Yeah, gays should get married. You’re right, Perez Hilton.'” In a related note, alleged shooter at the United. States Holocaust Memorial Museum, octogenarian oddball James W. von Brunn, sided with Prejean. “I understand totally,” he said through his lawyer. “And I feel for her. If it weren’t for the Jews, I wouldn’t have shot that colored boy.”

(Los Angeles-CA) Daughter of Sony and Cher, gay activist Chastity Bono announced today that she is “transitioning” from female to male and will be known as Chaz Bono. “Chaz, after many years of consideration, has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity,” said a written statement. It is estimated that one-quarter to one-half percent of the American population is transsexual. However, Chaz Bono has not yet decided if he will have sexual reassignment surgery. If he elects to do so, he still will not have had as much plastic surgery as mom, Cher.

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