Ed-E-torial: Rob Zombie Does Shirley MacClaine. Dick Cheney Goes Postal.

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(Hollywood – CA) Rob Zombie, fresh off of his Halloween success, will be directing the sequel to Steel Magnolias. After seeing Zombie’s use of horror techniques, Producer Ty Billings approached him about the sequel. Billings explained, “Steel Magnolias has always been one my favorite horror films, especially those scenes with Shirley MacClaine and Olympia Dukakis. And I believe that Zombie can make the Shirley MacClaine even scarier.”

(Washington, D.C.) Guests at a recent White House garden party were forced to listen to four hours of Conway Twitty after President Bush said, “Hey, the only thing this shin-dig is missin’ is a mess o’ tunes.” The President then returned with a record player and the vintage Twitty vinyl. Guests pretended to enjoy such “hits” as “Hello Darlin'” and “Louisiana Woman, Mississippi Man.,” until Vice President Dick Cheney feigned a heart attack to bring the four hour torture session to an end.

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