Election 2010- Deciding Who's Lying To You Less

Well, it’s that time again, the Summer of Love, politically speaking, that is. Congressional and Gubernatorial candidates, realizing that last call is coming, will be wooing voters as if they’re the cutest chicks in the bar, desperately trying to take home someone to fuck…or fuck over, as the case may be. And like lounge lizards the world over, they’re willing to say anything to get you into bed. Democrats are Conservative, Republicans are Liberal and everyone loves and understands the angst and anger of the Tea Party. ‘Sure baby, I know exactly what you mean. By the way, did I tell you how blue your eyes are?’

The primaries are like Happy Hour- no one’s quite drunk enough yet and the candidates feel like they still can focus on one group of prospects. The general elections are the end of the night- everybody’s looking a lot better and you just want someone, anyone to take you home. You’re spending money like it’s going out of existence (and face it, if you lose, it is), hoping to pump enough liquor into voters that they’ll be too confused to recognize your bullshit. And you desperately hope that they weren’t in earshot and listening to the lines you were feeding your base earlier in the evening during the primaries.

You know, if that cute Mexican girl heard how tough you were on illegal immigrants, then you’ve lost her. If that young, unmarried mother with the crappy job remembers how you hated healthcare and extending un-employment benefits, cutting daycare and all that, you’ve lost her too. By the same token, if that Liberal tree hugger in the tight jeans heard what you said about supporting big oil and off-shore drilling, she’s gonna toss a drink in your face. I can sympathize; in my younger days I was there a lot.

Of course, that was before I got older and realized that finding the right person, being honest and staying loyal to her was far better than try trying to fuck everything that moved. Politicians never grow up to that point. They’ve committed themselves to hanging around meat market bars for the rest of their lives, places where principles are a hindrance and even counter-productive. They just wanna keep the party going.

So, no matter who you support, you’re gonna get lied to by them this Summer. They’ll agree with everything you say and promise you nothing. And, if they win, in the early dawn of the day after the elections, they’ll slip quietly out of your bed, trying not to wake you and split.

Your job in all this is to decide only one thing- who’s lying less? If you’re gonna go home with anyone at all, it might as well be someone who’ll send you flowers, maybe leave some cash on the dresser; not as a payment, no, of course not. More of a ‘Go out and buy yourself something nice, honey.’ kind of thing. A gift. At least someone who won’t make your skin crawl with guilt and shame whenever you see them on TV.

But there’s an upside too. After it’s over, then at least then you won’t hear from them or have to listen to their line of shit for a couple of years, at least. So…Happy Voting!