NEW YORK — Exxon Mobil Corp. Thursday reported the biggest annual profit on record for a U.S. corporation – earning more than $75,000 every minute of 2006.
Exxon CEO Rex Tillerson expressed disappointment. ” We were shooting for a bit more, but didn’t quite make it. I hope the U.S. automakers continue to turn out those gas-guzzling SUV’s. If so, we’re looking forward to a better year this upcoming one.”
Puffing on his fourteen-dollar Cubano Puro cigar, Tillerson spoke about the 1989 Exxon Valdez 11-million gallon oil spill in Alaska’s Prince William Sound.
” Those subsidies President Bush gave us sure helped. We sent five thousand dollars worth of Pampers up there last week, and are going to have a big photo op as they are used to mop up the remaining oil. We were happy also, to hear that marine biologists said the fishing industry may return by 2065.”
Tillerson glanced at his watch; “Sorry, but I have to leave for a vacation at my island in the Mediterranean, my private jet is waiting.”
As he was driven off in his chauffeured Aston Martin DB9 Volante, Tillerson called out, ” Thank all those good Americans who fill up at the Exxon and Mobil pumps!”