Facebook Bans Nipples and Areolas

Despite a group of breast-feeding moms protesting outside their offices, Facebook officials remain unrelenting in their ban on visual depictions of nipples and areolas.

“Nipples have a certain suggestive sexual quality”, said Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, 23. “We don’t want a man joining Facebook if there’s a possibility of him getting an erection”.

The controversy erupted after Facebook removed pictures of Heather Farley breast feeding her baby. When Farley protested Facebook officials threatened to delete her account.

“We are God”, Zuckerberg continued. “We decide what sort of pictures members can post”.

Facebook officials stated that the overwhelming majority of the breast may be shown and they are simply limiting the censorship to the tiny areola.

“In some instances we may even allow a little bit of the red part of the nipple to be shown”, said Facebook Privacy Officer Chris Kelly. “But we draw the line at the pointy part”.

Kelly is also considering a run for California Attorney General in 2010.

Farley countered that her pictures did not show her actual nipple but merely a baby receiving nourishment from her breast.

“The nipple may not be shown but the implication of the baby feeding indicates there is a nipple there”, Kelly continued. “We want this to be a wholesome nipple-free environment where children can gather and not ask questions”.