FBI Justifies Three of 17 Blackwater Shootings in Iraq

Washington, DC (UPSI) – The FBI yesterday released a report which condemned private security firm Blackwater in the September 16 shooting incident in Iraq in which 17 civilians were killed. The FBI investigation found that no shots were fired upon Blackwater personnel, and that they were clearly at fault in the deaths of 14 of the 17 civilians at the scene. An FBI spokesperson, speaking on condition of anonymity, today stated that Blackwater personnel were justified in the killing of three of the civilians, two women and a young girl, as they were found to be brandishing hairbrushes.

“In the heat of the moment, the Blackwater guards mistook the hairbrushes as weapons,” stated the FBI source. The source also released to the press a photograph produced by the United States State Department demonstrating how the silhouette of a typical hairbrush could be mistaken for that of a Russian RPG. “Sadly, in the three cases mentioned, we find that the security guards were justified in the shootings,” stated the source.

The FBI ruling comes at an embarrassing moment for the State Department’s investigator General Howard Krongard. Krongard yesterday testified before a Senate investigative committee, fielding accusations that he had delayed investigations into Blackwater personnel conduct in Iraq, investigations into cost overruns and corruption in the construction of the new American Embassy, as well as claims that Blackwater had been smuggling illegal automatic weapons as well as other paraphernalia into Iraq.

Krongard steadfastly denied any complicity or favoritism shown on behalf of Blackwater, and denied that his brother “Buzzy” Krongard, a former CIA employee, had any association with Blackwater. In a dramatic moment, Krongard immediately recused himself to the committee in any future dealings with Blackwater after a personal phone call to his brother in which he found out that he indeed served on Blackwater’s advisory board.

“This is just the tip of the iceberg,” stated investigative committee chairman representative Henry Waxman D-CA. “We intend to introduce proof that Blackwater personnel have for years been handing out free hairbrushes to Iraqis as goodwill gifts. Personnel are trained at their Myock, NC facility to always carry a “drop brush” on them at all times should such instances as the September 16 massacre arise. We have documentation that A.B. “Buzzy” Krongard sits on the board of directors of Goody hair care products.”

Senate hearings are set to resume today, and Krongard’s brother may be called to testify.