Financial News: Al Qaeda Worldwide LLC Emerges From Chapter 11 Reorganization Stronger Than Ever.


Government officials have announced that multinational corporation Al Qaeda Worldwide LLC, which had filed for bankruptcy protection in early 2006, posted a surprising fourth quarter 06 profit of 2%, well beyond any reasonable analyst’s expectations. The company, which has been targeted for takeover by mega-corporation US-Bush Inc. for the past six years, was in danger of closing its doors altogether several times, but a serious of strategic missteps by US-Bush Inc.’s CEO and upper management allowed the small but aggressive organization to stay afloat, if sometimes only barely.

To make matters worse, a series of in house proxy battles and the untimely deaths of several of its upper management team, as well as the loss of control over day to day operations of it’s leader, Osama bin Laden, have all conspired to nearly ruin the company. Yet still it lives on, defying all predictions by former US-Bush Chief Operating Officer Don Rumsfeld, Vice President and Chief Financial Officer Dick Cheney and even CEO George W. Bush himself.

If analyst reports are accurate, then Al Qaeda CEO Osama bin Laden and his Chief Operating Officer Ayman al-Zawahri have reestablished hands on control over daily operations; they will presumably resume their somewhat audacious strategy of trying to take down US-Bush, an extreme case of a minnow swallowing a whale. But, to amazement of many, it seems to actually be working. Shareholder dissatisfaction with US-Bush leadership has finally resulted in the change of many members of its Board of Directors, which has in turn taken a firmer hand with CEO Bush and his lackluster policies.

If US-Bush is to survive in the worldwide marketplace, it will have to sell more than just it’s varied product lines, it will have reaffirm its entire mission statement; prospective buyers in this internet age are too well informed for US-Bush to continue it’s recent business pattern of ‘do as I say, not as I do’. Today’s consumers are too savvy to be sold an inferior product, or even a bill of goods.