First Lady Addresses White House Leaking

Camp David, MD (Rotters) – Known for for her appropriate and thoughtful gift giving, First Lady Laura Bush today surprised the president at Camp David with a Christmas present that got a huge laugh and a hug from him. She stated that she had become concerned over recent revelations of the president’s double secret domestic spying program, and the effect that it was having on White House leaking in general. She was very concerned over growing White House staff incontinence and the degree to which they kept the president from staying on target.

The first lady came up her own version of a “constitutional amendment” which she felt would support her husband’s policy on continued domestic spying and help clean up the messy leaks around both the White House and Camp David. The plumbing in both facilities was long overdue for an overhaul, she stated.

Interestingly, the program initially seems to have had the opposite effect upon the number of leaks, as they seem to have increased by an order of magnitude. However, while the raw number of leaks has increased, they appear to be much more effectively contained.

“As men get older,” Mrs. Bush stated, “you’ve got to expect some of this. Great leaders and diplomats are only as effective as their abilities to prostate themselves.”

White House spokesperson Scott McClellan stated that the First Lady’s gift was a huge hit at the White House and at Camp David, and that plans are in the works to extend her “constitutional amendments” into both houses in Congress and the judicial branch facilities. “Morale has skyrocketed around here,” he stated. “A lot of the feisty spirit has returned to the president, and he has already gotten into a number of pissing contests with staffers. The bottom line, is that the leaking has been contained, and America is safer.”