First Lady Comes to the Aid of Missouri's Jim Talent

St. Louis, MO (APE) – Apparently attempting to take advantage of questionable polls showing that the First Lady is among the most popular in history, the Bush administration yesterday sent Laura Bush to aid the ailing Senate campaign of incumbent Republican Senator Jim talent. Talent was scheduled to miss the appearance by the First Lady, and spokesperson Rich Chrismer stated that they were working hard to see that the same happens for a scheduled $250 per plate fundraiser featuring Vice President Dick Cheney in Springfield on April 10.

“Missourians understand if you spend $250 for a plate with someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to eat everything,” Chrismer stated. “Senator Talent doesn’t always agree with the administration but he has always appreciated their attempts at providing a free lunch for large and small businesspeople alike. Heh… Missouri loves company.”

The First Lady spoke at a luncheon for Talent in St. Louis in an attempt to help raise $200,000 for his campaign. “At this historic time in our country, no issue is more important than defending Republicans, and Jim is an especially important voice.”

“There’s a reason that Republicans are bringing in the only popular member of the Bush family,” said Democratic spokesperson Jack Cardetti, “but I’m damned if we can figure it out. You can only put so much lipstick on a pig, and the folks in Missouri are sick of pork barrel politics.”

In a stark contrast, Bush’s first appearance of the day was a low-key event at an adolescent treatment center in St. Charles. She spent time with five teenagers undergoing treatment at the facility. “I could really give you some advice, but it probably wouldn’t be appropriate,” she explained to the teens. “Let’s just say that there are lots of ways that you can beat this, and your parents don’t necessarily have to be wealthy and influential.”

While it is unclear how successful this latest White House campaign strategy will be, insiders stated that the administration is poised to expand upon its perceived successes with the marketing of the First Lady and distancing her from the president. One idea reportedly being floated to possibly address the vice president’s abysmal poll numbers is a combined appearance with the First Lady at a $500 a pheasant hunting/shooting event with the proceeds to go to the RNC.