Former Diebold Executive O Dell Declares Lieberman Victory in Connecticut

Hartford, CT (Rotters) – On the eve of one of the most controversial electoral primaries in America, Ward O Dell the former CEO for Diebold, stepped forward to declare victory for incumbent Senator Joseph Lieberman. He stated that he was proud to be able to pledge his former company’s vast resources to secure a victory for Lieberman over his dogged challenger, Connecticut businessman Ned Lamont.

O Dell offered, as pre-election day congratulatory gifts, complementary USB “thumb drives” to thousands of Lieberman campaign staffers throughout the state. O Dell declared Lieberman the primary winner by the narrowest of margins of 51% to 49% and predicted that the results would contrast markedly with controversial exit polling which would undoubtedly occur as voting begins tomorrow.

Lieberman campaign staffers stated that the Senator would likely make an announcement in which he would accept conciliation from challenger Lamont first thing in the morning. Lieberman was previously scheduled to cast his own vote in his home precinct, but staffers stated that he would instead begin a victory celebration after the announcement. The Lieberman campaign headquarters, in an attempt to make amends over an occasionally corrosive campaign, also encouraged Connecticut voters to come and join in the victory celebration rather than vote, as the results of the election were no longer in question.

Lamont campaign headquarters was contacted for a quote on the pre-election eve results, and they issued a simple one-word statement, saying, “Nuts!”