Former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales Working at Car Wash


Embattled Former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has accepted a position at Big Nick’s Texas Car Wash in Laredo, TX today, according to the car wash manager Julio Rodriguez.

Rodriquez explained that Gonzales will have advantages over some of his other Mexican employees because he speaks English and is in the U.S. legally.


“He’s the son of Mexican immigrants. He should do ok here”, Rodriquez stated.

Gonzales will be responsible for cleaning the interior and exterior of vehicles. He will be required to vacuum, scrub, clean and polish. However, he will not be allowed to do waxing or detailing.

“We need people we can trust for that”, explained Rodriguez.

It seems Gonzales attempted to find employment as a lawyer but has sent applications to every law firm in the state and has been rejected by all of them.

“We don’t need liars and thieves in our organization”, explained attorney Warren Redlich of the law firm of Redlich, Redlich and Redlich. “I wouldn’t trust him to wash my car!”

Gonzales has also had offers from KFC, McDonald’s and Ralph’s Supermarket but turned them down in favor of the slightly higher-paying car wash position.

“I need a job”, Gonzales explained.

A reporter explained to Rodriguez that if found guilty Gonzales may have to go to prison for 18 years.

“No problem!” Rodriguez exclaimed. “This job is high turnover. His job will be here when he gets out”.