Fox Exclusive: McCain Issues Gun Control Manifesto

Summerville, SC (Rotters) – Fox news this morning reported that its New York studios overnight received an exclusive “manifesto” FedExd overnight from Republican presidential candidate Arizona Senator John McCain. The rambling and almost histrionic 24 page document was apparently mailed as the senator was making a “straight shooting” campaign speech aimed at over 400 supporters in the small town of Summerville, S.C.

McCain becomes the first in a long list of presidential candidates both Republican and Democrat to a address the issue of gun control in light of the recent massacre of 32 students at Virginia Tech University in Blacksburg Virginia at the hands of a lone student gunmen.

When asked by an attendee if he felt the country should re-examine its gun control laws in light of the incident, McCain responded, “I don’t think that’s necessary at all.”

McCain went on to elucidate his strong support of the Second Amendment, stating, “I do not believe we should tamper with the second amendment of the Constitution of the United States.” He then displayed to the admiring crowd his own personal registered 9 mm glock pistol, and a 22 caliber semiautomatic handgun. “I strongly support the Second Amendment and I believe the Second Amendment ought to be preserved… which means no gun control.”

Fox news sources stated that the manifesto that it received went into more specifics, but largely did not deviate from the calculated assault on the 400 in attendance in South Carolina.

“I hope that we can find better ways of identifying weak Americans so that we can prevent them from not only taking action against guns but also knives or anything else that their fellow citizens could defend themselves with,” McCain said.