New York, NY (Faux News) – Fox news today announced that it was releasing a new cartoon show, which would primarily be directed towards acquiring children as new viewers. Sources stated that the new show would also be recruited into its efforts in their ongoing war on Christmas.
The animated cartoon show will feature the voice of none other than their flagship star Bill O’Reilly as the abrasive “Loofah Bill Liar Pants”. Loofah Bill is a curmudgeonly bathroom exfoliatatory accessory who is frequently mistaken for a fried Middle Eastern delicacy. Fox hopes he will be able to indoctrinate children very early into their own peculiar brand of thinking and discourse. Loofah Bill will educate children in the finer arts of prevarication and distortion for fun and profit.
“We really do think we have a winner here,” said a Fox News spokesperson. “Coming in the Christmas season, we’re looking to make a bundle off the merchandising alone. The first toy we’ll be selling is a fully functional “Loofah Bill” doll that should appeal to Democrats and Republicans alike… who wouldn’t really appreciate having Loofah Bill to scratch around your privates in the shower.”
Fox also stated that as a promotional they would also be including a free copy of O.J. Simpson’s book, “If I did It” for those ordering a Loofah Bill for Christmas. “We figure that we’ve got both the shower and bathroom reading covered.”