Fox News Declares Super Tuesday for Clinton

New York, NY (Rotters) – Just as many voters are beginning to wake up across the country and proceed to their respective polls on a Super Tuesday which could possibly significantly narrow the 2008 presidential race, Fox News anchor Britt Hume has announced that Fox News has called the Democratic contest, awarding a tightly fought victory to New York Senator Hillary Clinton. With no polls closed, and no results tabulated in any of the 22 participating states, Fox has declared Clinton the overall victor by a 51% to 48% margin.

“Statistics don’t lie,” stated a Fox News spokesperson, “if people are stupid enough to not accept reality and continue voting, then so be it. There is a not insignificant dollar amount already invested by Fox News in the form of research, editing, and graphics production upon this race, and that’s hard to ignore.”

With polls opening four hours previous, Fox has begun pressuring the Obama campaign for some sort of concession speech.

“If he does not have the guts to step forward and accept defeat, then maybe we were right about him all along,” stated Fox political commentator Ann Coulter. “I’ve already throw my support towards Hillary if it comes down to a matchup with pseudo-conservative John McCain. If it’s Mitt, or Huckabee… well, we’ll see.”