Fox News Declares War on Iran

(New York, New York) Unconfirmed Sources report the Fox Entertainment Group, a subsidiary of Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation, has declared war on the Islamic Republic Iran. In a shocking move, Fox news CEO, Chairman, and President , Roger Ailes informed the United Nations, “Fox News has seen enough diplomacy and will act unilaterally against Iran.”

Following the official declaration of war, Ailes appeared with Geraldo Rivera on “Geraldo At Large.” In a rage, Geraldo demanded that President George W. Bush should “admit he is a coward, liar.” Geraldo said “I was undercover in Iran and I have seen their atomic bombs with my own eyes.” According to Geraldo, the President and John R. Bolton should “Stop talking about diplomacy and start dropping bombs.”

Middle East experts, weapons proliferation negotiators, and media watchers were not surprised by the declaration of war. Over the past several months, Fox News has been pressing the Bush Administration to take action against Iran. Bill O’Reilly has been personally attacking the President for his failure to act against the possible threats of Iran. “I don’t care if our army is trapped in Iraq, we need to attack Iran now.” stated O’Reilly

Now that Fox News is taking military action against Iran, Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity have both appointed themselves commanding generals. According to Fox News, the pair will be leading 145,000 Blackwater security guards into Tehran during sweeps week. The key battles have been scheduled to climax with the live broadcasts of The O’Reilly Factor. The pair stated “We figure we could do a better job in Iran than we did in Iraq, we learned our lessons well, this invasion will be different.”

Broadcaster Anderson Copper has been following the story for CNN. “I was expecting a move like this from Fox. With the Iraq war fading, and ratings dropping, Fox news needed a breaking story.” Copper also explained O’Reilly and Hannity have been rehashing the Presidents talking points for years and the people of America are sick of it. According to Copper Fox news has seen its’ ratings plunge over 30% in the past 6 months. It’s a huge gamble on the part of Rupert Murdoch, only time will tell if investing in the war will boost Fox’s ratings, ad revenue and share value.