I wrote a piece yesterday about the Fox News Network (Fairly Unbalanced…uh, I mean, Fair and Balanced) and it’s new child, the Tea Party. Bear in mind, I specifically use the word ‘piece’ as opposed to say, ‘article’…it allows the reader to fill in his own adjective, whether it be “of shit”, or, “of brilliant journalism” or anything in between. That much isn’t really earth-shattering news…I’ve been posting a lot of stuff about the Tea Party- that delightful Movement with it’s charming blend of paranoia, racism, Conservative Values and funny hats- recently. But the thing is, in the ‘piece’ I may have given people the idea that I think the TP Movement is loaded with idiots and hypocrites of every stripe all working at cross-purposes and is nothing more than an unwitting stooge of Fox News and Rupert Murdoch. If that was indeed the impression you got if you read it then congratulations; that was exactly what I was shooting for.
Anyway, the piece had, in the parlance of satiric writing, ‘Legs’. Since a lot of my stuff usually falls into the “of crap” category, I usually don’t get a lot of hits (it’s one of things I’ve learned to sadly accept, like the fact that Maureen Dowd will never roll over in bed, look deep into my eyes and say, “You were wonderful last night.”), but this one topped a thousand page views in about twelve hours, so it’s title either successfully fooled the Google alogarithm or whatever the fuck it’s called or it hit a nerve. While it didn’t go ‘viral’ by any means, it did fall into the ‘sneezy, achy, need some rest’ category… A little over a hit a minute for the day as well as three really whacky comments from what I sincerely hope are the outer fringes of the Movement.
My wife read it and the comments, then said, “Someone is going to shoot you or something.” She wasn’t particularly worried…she loves me and all, but I do carry term life, so on an emotional/fiscal level it would be a wash if some deranged guy in a red rubber nose and tri-corn hat popped me one with a black powder musket. She is, above all, a practical woman ( On that note, let me also say that I love her and trust her implicitly, but for the last several years I’ve elected to do all the cooking in our house myself. She’s more of a baker anyway and fortunately there are enough little neighborhood kids around to feed the muffins or cookies to first, just in case.).
So back to the TP…I actually do hope that one day it will form itself into a cohesive political party. When Cheney and Bush et al were in office, satire was in danger of becoming superfluous; after all, no joke I could think of was more ridiculous than the reality of that Administration. Then after Obama was elected, and the GOP was in shambles I figured there was nothing more to say. Then Fox News and dopes like Michael Wiener, Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck started in and the Tea Party reared it’s pointy hatted head, conveniently forgetting that it was their own Conservative Republicans who caused all this mess in the first place and are using Obama as a scapegoat. The truth is the members of the TP, back when they called themselves Neo-Conservatives, put this nation in the position it’s in today and now are just too embarrassed to admit it. It’s much easier to blame someone else. This being the case, I find myself at last having something stupid to write about again.
And like the Bush Administration, they’ll allege anything and anything, no matter how outrageous, to justify their actions and opinions…Obama wasn’t born in the United States, he’s secretly a Muslim, he’s a radical Baptist, he’s a racist who happens to be half White, he uses too many big words, he’s a rich elitist college professor who has no real-world experience, he’s a Socialist, a Communist, a Fascist…take your pick of any combination of the above. Well, if he was any of these things, don’t you think that either the GOP or at the very least Hillary would have ferreted out the proof before he was elected?
In reality, aside from the satirical fodder aspect of it all, it’s kinda pointless to write about the TP at all, unless it’s on my list of things to pick up at the market. Each of those comments talked about me ‘not getting it’, which is another way of their saying, “In spite of all evidence to contrary, we’re gonna believe what we want to believe.” They also mention things like, “then watch the cities light on fire…”, “The muslims (sic) are taking over and the whites are paying with their jobs and taxes.” and ” We are the minority now and must take our country back.” Cogent and reasoned comments all.
But still I’m not too worried…if the Hippies, the SDS and the Weather Underground in the Sixties and Bush regime in the 21st Century couldn’t destroy our country, then I doubt the Tea Party can either, despite it’s implied threats of armed revolution. They’d have to kill far too many people and I’m sure someone would notice. But if there are indeed any clear thinking members of the movement, they might do well to look at who they’ve gotten involved with before someone does shoot someone else in the name of Freedom. After all, guilt by association is guilt all the same.