Fred Thompson to Offset Declining Campaign Funds with Commercial Appearances

New York,NY (APE) – The campaign for Fred Thompson today announced that it would be drawing upon Mr. Thompson’s acting experience in an effort to refill depleted campaign coffers by having the former Republican senator from Tennessee star in a number of commercial marketing campaigns. In the biggest of these campaigns, Thompson will attempt to resurrect Charmin’s lovable spokesperson, Mr. Whipple, portrayed by recently deceased character actor Dick Wilson for over 20 years.

“It should be a natural for Fred,” stated a Thompson campaign spokesperson. “We’re hoping that it may take a little bit of the edge off of his public perception, and perhaps increase our approval with women and housewives.”

A spokesperson for the Swedish firm SCA, the former European branch of Procter & Gamble, agreed, stating that they had high hopes for the campaign. “We’ll first “roll out” the toilet paper campaign, and depending upon its success we have acquired the rights to have the new Mr. Whipple promote our other lines of paper products including our popular underclothing geriatric incontinence line.”

In a nod towards Thompson’s presidential aspirations, SCA also announced that it would be offering through a limited release in American markets, rolls of Charmin with copies of the U.S. Constitution imprinted upon every sheet.