BRACCIANO, Italy (APE) – Citizens of the town of Bracciano were treated Saturday night to a spectacular light show prior to the wedding of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes as the Ambassador of the remnants of the Galactic Confederacy made an appearance at the 15th Century Odeschali castle. The Ambassador, rumored to be possibly a descendant of Xenu himself was said to be a last minute addition to the guest list.
The Ambassador’s spaceship, estimated to be over 3 miles in diameter, stunned reporters, villagers, guests and paparazzi, as it is suddenly descended over the castle. Security for the not so secret wedding became even tighter as the ambassador added hundreds of white uniformed troops to beef up patrols by the Carbinieri paramilitary police. Rumors circulated that at least one paparazzo had been vaporized after what appeared to be a misunderstanding in an attempt to view the ceremony.
“All I want is to see at least one of them… the heck with Katie or Tom,” said 15-year-old Tomatino Focaccia. The extraterrestrial presence further heightened excitement of the locals, as alien souvenirs immediately went on sale in local shops alongside of Tom, Katie, and Suri commemorative photographs and merchandise.
Representatives for the Church of Scientology in Rome remained very close lipped about the ambassador’s presence, and particularly refused to comment on rumors about his relationship with Xenu. Xenu is the 75 million-year-old former Dictator/Emperor of the known galaxy who is reportedly kept in perpetual imprisonment in a remote underground volcanic chamber somewhere in the Hawaiian island chain. This is reputedly also the location of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. Representatives stated that Hubbard also made a low profile appearance at the ceremony, and wished the couple well.
Originally, rumors flew that the wedding ceremony would likely not occur until sometime early tomorrow night. However, teams of Scientology “Sea Org” members with Ambassador guards were seen throughout the castle and hotel apparently making last-minute thetan clearing sweeps early this morning, leading to the speculation that the ceremony was imminent.
The ceremony literally went off without a hitch today, as Scientology ceremonies are not recognized as legal in Italy. The couple will apparently legitimize the union in a civil ceremony aboard the Ambassador’s ship later this evening somewhere outside the orbit of Uranus.