Gay Marriage Ban-President Says: 'No Gays For This Bush'

In a desperate attempt to corral his fractured Christian base just in time for the mid term Congressional elections, United State President George W. Bush has resurrected that old familiar bugaboo, Gay Marriage. Warning Evangelical Christians that Gay Men, if allowed to marry, will get each other pregnant and will then have little Gay Babies that will one day grow up to rule the world. He didn’t mention Lesbians, mostly because he secretly thinks they’re pretty hot.

While at least three, and possibly now four people have already expressed their confidence in Mr. Bush’s Gay Proposal, others denounced it as election cycle bunk. Joe Glover, president of the Family Policy Network, an anti Gay People group, said, “I’m going to go and hear what he says, but we already know it is a ruse. We’re not buying it. We’re going to go and watch the dog-and-pony show, it’s too little, too late.”

Despite this strong show of support for the President, Mr. Bush still may face an uphill battle to re-coup some of the ‘political capital’ that he had amassed by winning a second term and working the part time late shift at the McDonalds on Avenue M. Unfortunately, Mr. Bush was later forced to spend that capital when he found out there was no actual money left to blow, having had given it all away before 9/11. The loss of that real money, despite their overwhelming support of Mr. Bush and his nifty “Vote For Me And I’ll Give You Three (hundred)!” tax rebate policy during his first term, has angered Evangelicals who, as well as being pretty socially intolerant, are also fiscally conservative. The fact that they all took the three hundred bucks means nothing.

But back to the No Gay Babies amendment. Social Conservatives note that the language of the bill is not intolerant enough. In part, it says, “Marriage in the United States shall consist solely of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution, nor the constitution of any state, shall be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any union other than the union of a man and a woman.”

That last line, which I’ve italicized to make it really obvious, is the big problem as it implies that there may be some way short of marriage that Gay People can use to legally join together in sin and possibly give birth to Gay Babies. It also neglects to address the issue of whether Lesbians should be exempt because they’re sometimes pretty hot.

However, Mr. Bush is seeing some positive gain from his Gay Push (get it? Gay Push? pretty funny, huh?). Latest polls show his approval rating jumping up to 18% from the last one taken about twenty minutes ago.