Geezer Sex, Viagra, and Pre-Marital Sex Cause Blindness, Duh!

Unconfirmed sources report the GCMA has released a study linking certain sexual activities to blindness. The Good Christian Mothers Association report titled “The Dangers of Sex” found that many sexual activities once considered safe are actually very dangerous and can cause blindness, unwanted hair growth and other more serious side effects.

“We have known all along that many so called ‘normal’ sexual activities are actually very dangerous,” said Erma Boxworth of the GCMA. “There is nothing healthy about pre-marital sex or geezer sex. It should come as no surprise to anyone that these activities have been linked to blindness and other conditions. We are just glad that the truth is finally getting out.”

Scientists from the FDA and the makers of the sex drugs Viagra and Cialis deny that old people having sex can cause blindness. They insist that the blindness has been caused by the impotence drugs themselves and not by geezer sex.

“Researchers have known for years that Viagra and Cialis affect vision. Some patients reported seeing a blue hue, losing color vision or having blurred vision. Those side effects have been described in materials distributed with the drugs.” Says Geoff Dougherty, a staff reporter for the Chicago Tribune. “Geezer sex itself just has not been linked to blindness until now. Frankly I’m a little skeptical, I think that the study will need to be expanded and repeated to conclusively prove that geezer sex is dangerous.”

The GCMA welcomes further research into the subject and is confident their findings will be confirmed. “We have mountains of irrefutable anecdotal evidence to back up our findings.” Responded Mrs. Boxworth. “Geezer, pre-marital, gay and kinky sex is dangerous and the world needs to know it. And besides, as we always say around here, “Listen to your momma, momma knows best.