George Bush: Donald Rumsfeld Still In Office Due To Simple Mistake.


April 18, 2006

While most Americans are well aware of United States President George W. Bush’s capacity for stubbornness, or loyalty as he likes to call it, even his most die hard supporters have begun to question the wisdom of keeping Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld in his post. The answer to that question is, if it wasn’t for a simple mistake on the President’s part, he’d be gone already.

Mr. Rumsfeld, after coming under fire in recent weeks by an unprecedented group of retired military generals, many of whom have directly served under him in the Iraq War and who have demanded that he step down or be replaced, has pointed out several times that he offered Mr. Bush his resignation, only to be turned down. The question on every Washington watchers lips is, “Why the hell didn’t he (Bush) accept it?” The answer seems to be one of those humorous occurrences that happen every now and then on Capitol Hill which can change the course of the world.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” We in the White House are still having a chuckle over this one. At one point during an oval office meeting, the President tried to pin Don down on what was happening in Iraq, asking why we were getting spanked there so badly. Well, the SecDef got pissed and stormed out. About an hour later, Rumsfeld sent the President a letter that said, in part, “After all I’ve done for you, you ungrateful mealy mouthed little prick, you want a resignation, you got it.” For a minute there, everyone in the room got all excited, thinking that we were finally rid of the idiot and could look for someone with real military experience who could replace him. Suddenly, George Bush took the letter and fed it into the shredder.”

Continuing in his inimitable anonymous way, Waterhouse went on, “We were stunned. Without thinking, I screamed, ‘Why in the name of all that’s holy did you do that?’ Bush looked at me and said, ” We don’t need new signs. The signs we have are just fine; I don’t even know why he wants to re-do them. He should be thinking about the War, not new signs.” Well, after we explained to Mr. Bush that “resigning” didn’t mean “re-doing signs” but quitting, he freaked and dove for the shredder. We all did, actually. We spent an couple hours trying to tape the letter back together, but the President had also just put n about fifty sheets worth of old top secret Chinese take out food orders and everything got all messed up. The best we could manage was having Don Rumsfeld’s signature on a request for Spicy Chicken Surprise. Bush loves that dish