George Bush Excommunicates Senator Bill Frist From Republican Party Over Stem Cell Research Reversal

Unconfirmed sources report that Senate leader Bill Frist was excommunicated from the Republican Party yesterday for breaking with the President and supporting increased spending on stem cell research. Frist will pay a heavy price for defying the President on this matter and can all but kiss his 2008 bid for the presidency good bye. The Republican laity has greeted the news with satisfaction and is now looking for a replacement for Frist.

“Did Frist get more that he bargained for?.” Asks journalist Marc Sandalow. “He crossed the President and got pushed out of the party for it. I’m not sure what he expected the President to do, but backing off a position dear to the hearts of the right wing of the Republican party was never in the cards. I think Frist miss-read the President on the issue. Even though 89% of Americans favor more research on stems cells the President doesn’t. And it there is one thing we know about this President, he never changes his mind, no matter the facts nor the will of the people.”

“I’m glad Frist is out of the party.” Says Clair Johnson, of Chillicothe Ohio. “He is a baby killer. Frankly, I think he should be shot like all the rest of those damn Democrats that are wrecking this good country. I just can’t believe Dr. Frist could turn evil like that, but now that he has, well I don’t care what happens to him.”

Party leaders issued a statement to the media after Frist’s excommunication, and while not commenting on the specifics of the case they did arguer the right to deal with members of their party in accordance to strict party doctrines:

“The right to excommunicate is an immediate and necessary consequence of the fact that the Republican Party is a pure party. Every party has the right to exclude and deprive of their rights and social advantages its unworthy or grievously culpable members, either temporarily or permanently. This right is necessary to every party in order that it may be well administered and survive. The fundamental proof, therefore, of the Republican Party’s right to excommunicate is based on her status as a spiritual Party, whose members, governed by legitimate authority, seek one and the same end through suitable means. Members who, by their obstinate disobedience, reject the means of attaining this common end deserve to be removed from such a party.”

“The president’s made his position very clear,” White House press secretary Scott McClellan said when asked whether Bush stands by his pledge to veto any legislation to expand the number of stem cell lines available for federally funded research. ” Pro-baby killing stem cell research will not be funded by the US government, even if it means thousands of Americans will die from diseases that could have been treated. Nothing’s changed in terms of the Presidents position. We are pandering the Right wing of our party and this is their pay off. We will not back down on this.”