George Bush Is Gods Fault, Bill Frist Is Sane Again And Tom Cruise Isn't: Unconfirmed Sources New…

She’s Dead, But Don’t Worry, It’s Not That Cute Pregnant Chick:

A body a woman found in Philadelphia is not that of the missing pregnant woman, Latoyia Figueroa. Searchers breathed a sigh of relief at the news that the woman who has been missing for two weeks and has been the subject of candlelight vigils was not dead. The beautiful 24 year old has excited the imagination of the United States and has been the subject of reports by nearly every major print and television network. It is thought that the dead girl that was found is probably black or at least nowhere near as pretty as Ms. Figueroa or pregnant and therefore doesn’t matter, at least not to White America.

So, What’s our Point?:

Legendary film star Lauren Bacall has dismissed the romantic antics of Scientologist actor Tom Cruise as “shocking, vulgar and sick” an intimating that Mr. Cruise is using his personal life to sell movies. She also said Cruise wasn’t a very good actor. Enough said.

I Was Sick For Awhile, But I’m Much Better Now:

Tennessee Senator and Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, apparently remembering that he used to be a doctor and had taken an oath to ‘do no harm’, has parted ways with United States President George W. Bush who made no such promise, on the issue of stem cell research. Mr. Frist, who’s careful scrutiny of a videotape resulted in the misdiagnoses earlier this year of that brain dead woman in Florida, what’s her name, has apparently been slowly regaining his sanity since that incident. Mr. Bush, incensed at Mr. Frist’s defection has used his power to make recess appointments to make John Bolton United States Ambassador to the United Nations in retaliation.

George Bush- God Made All The Killing, Rape And Lying Possible:

George W. Bush has inserted himself into the evolution/ intelligent design debate, saying that the Christian based philosophy of Creationism by any other name would smell as sweet. Mr. Bush, the free worlds leading example of Chaos Theory, is a born again Evangelical Christian, which gives him God’s Blessing to attack and kill anyone he wants, anytime and on any pretext. That’s some cool religion. Man.