George Bush: "Maybe It Was Iran After All" – Update One

(Part II in the Everything Old Is News Again Series:
Originally published on 4/3/05)

The White House revealed today that it had been less than honest when it said that Iraq had anything to do with the September 11 Attacks on New York, Washington, D.C. or the downing of United Airlines Flight 93 in Pennsylvania, despite what it’s been telling it’s troops serving there since the invasion began three years ago. In addition, the Administration conceded that Iraq never represented an “ongoing threat” nor did it shelter Al Qaida fighters, at least until after the invasion. They do however offer an explanation: the lapse in intelligence wasn’t a lapse at all… rather, it was a carefully calculated strategic move to put the United States in the position to finally attack the real enemy… Iran that is, not Iraq… before the 2006 Congressional elections.

Unamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “It was all part of our plan, although we didn’t know it the time. We did know that all the information we gathered, or in some cases just out and out made up, you know, the atomic weapons program, aiding Terrorists, all of that stuff was actually true, even if we were pretty sure it wasn’t. We also knew that it was an “I” country we were after, either Iran or Iraq or Iowa. We hit Iraq, basically because that’s where most of the oil and all of the fresh water is. But it was actually Iran we wanted, as we haven’t been saying all along. Still, Iraq kept the old Middle East Terror Threat pot bubbling along, which is always a good thing. After all, war