George Bush to Hamas: "No one topples governments. That's our job!"

(Washington, D.C.) The legislative landslide of Hamas may be the least of President Bush’s worries because an Instant Message from him to Great Britain Prime Minister Tony Blair was leaked today. “T-bone, [Ed.’s note: Bush’s nickname for Blair.] these folks say that they’re committed to toppling Israel. Well, let me tell you no one topples governments. That’s our job. By that, I mean us, U.S. Get it? ;-)” Ironically, the Instant Message was intercepted by a legality still pending NSA wiretap.

The immediate reaction from the White House was denial, as was apparent from Scott McClellan’s initial statement. “This is obviously an Al Qaeda plant, to think that the President would use AOL IM is absurd. The President ONLY uses MSN.” However, journalist reaction was swift. Judith Miller, before again being given the “Go directly to jail card” for not revealing her source, discovered that President Bush does in fact have an AOL IM account under the name of DubyaWubya43.

In his follow-up afternoon presidential press conference, Bush explained. “You know, I gotta admit like most Americans I’m an IM junkie. I send so many of those things I forget even what I send. On reflection, I may have sent this IM. But remember, it had a ;-). It was a joke. Geez, I love those things. What do you call them, emoticons? Who likes those too?”

This question was met by another question from CNN’s John King, who asked how the President felt about the election results, since the United States fervently backed a democratic election process? “The people are demanding honest government. They want to be able to raise their children in an environment in which they can get a decent education and they can find health care. No. Wait, that’s here. Again I kid.” The President ended with “let’s not fire any AK-47s into the air until the last suicide bomber explodes.” World reaction to this statement is still pending.

However, European sentiments were summarized by French President Jacques Chirac, who had this comment en route to a Jerry Lewis film retrospective. “We are willing to work with any government committed to terrorism as long as it’s committed against us.”

If you want to reach Ed E., e-mail michael.192@gmail.com