George Bush To Perform In Musical For Katrina Victims' Relief

(Washington–D.C.) George Bush is combining his love of Christianity and musical theater to help victims of Hurricane Katrina. The White House announced today that “George W. Bush will be playing the role of Jesus in the musical Jesus Christ Superstar at the Kennedy Center for a limited engagement beginning September 19.”

The official White House statement read that “President Bush loves Jesus and Broadway musicals; and he has compassion for homeless members of his flock in New Orleans too.”

However well intentioned the President may be, even long time Bush insiders doubt boffo box office will trickle down to victims’ relief. Karen Hughes admitted upon her exit from an early rehearsal when asked what Bush’s greatest challenge would be. “The choreography, he’s pretty much a line dancer, and Jesus didn’t do too much of that.” Though another White House insider Karl Rove, who also saw the rehearsal, was quick to come to Bush’s defense. “Now, Karen, do you know that Jesus didn’t line dance? Were you there?”

While rehearsal details remain difficult to come by, certain changes have been made to the original show. The White House stated that “the role of Judas, originally played so rhythmically by Ben Vereen, will not be played by a person of color so as not to defame a race that clearly has given us so much and the majority of which is now homeless in the South and now can vote. In this production, the role of Judas will be played by a Middle Eastern man of indeterminate nationality.”

As expected, Democratic reaction to the President as Jesus has been swift and direct. Former Presidential candidate John Kerry was among the first. “How typical of this administration that while Federal relief to this devastated area was as direct as a rudderless Kris Craft its Captain believes that all can be solved by singing Day By Day.” When told of this at an afternoon press briefing, Dick Cheney replied: “Day By Day, well, that’s funny because Day By Day is from Godspell. Based on that, I think we can say with certainty that the right man was elected President, and the right man is playing Jesus.”

HELLO: If you like what you read and would like to read more of Ed E. Druckman, check out his new ebook. Or e-mail him at michael.192@gmail.com