George Bush: "We don't torture. We outsource."

(Manchester–NH) Speaking in front of the Wal-Mart into which a plane crashed recently, President Bush further clarified his statement that the United States doesn’t torture. “Let me again say on the steps of this most American of institutions that the United States does not torture, like Wal-Mart we outsource.”

Bush made the trip to the New Hampshire Wal-Mart immediately after he heard that a small cargo plane crashed into the super store’s Garden Center. “I want the American people to know that wherever there is a crisis, they will find me right in the middle of it.” And when a reporter asked the President if it might be better, this being Election Day, to be campaigning for his Party, Bush snapped: “Have you seen my approval rating?”

Reporters then pressed Bush with tougher questions. While it is true that the United States does not engage in torture, does not the CIA maintain relationships with governments in Eastern Europe and Asia who do torture and to which terror suspects are routinely sent? Bush was direct. “There is an enemy lurking in the shadows that wants to hurt America. And we’re going to do our best to defend ourselves from it without breaking the law. But if another country might be breaking the law, what are we supposed to do? Invade it based on possibly false rumors, topple its leader and set up a new government?” Bush then caught himself. “Forget I just said that.”

Bush was then asked why the Republican controlled Congress was questioning this non-torture/torture logic? Further, why has the United States Supreme Court agreed to hear the case regarding the legitimacy of the administration’s use of military tribunals to try alleged terrorists? Bush replied: “Congress just hasn’t been the same since Tom DeLay was indicted. And that Supreme Court thing, it’s not even coming up for months. Heck, one of them could die between now and then, and I could appoint another puppet