United States President George W. Bush has learned a another bitter Hurricane related lesson today. On what was meant to be a brief stopover in Galveston to review FEMA preparations in that city and along the entire Texas coast, Mr. Bush’s entourage apparently got lost in the maze of industrial streets along the waters edge. Before the misplaced motorcade could find its way back to Air Force One, the pilots of the Presidential jet were forced to leave or risk damage to the multi-million dollar plane.
During a call from a fading cell phone, Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition that any National Guard troops not in Iraq come and rescue him said, ” In every emergency situation you’re bound to learn new lessons. The lesson we traveling with the President learned today is never put George W. Bush in charge of giving directions. We were supposed to be on the ground for thirty minutes, max. Everything was going along nicely until the President recognized a bar he used to go to down by the docks back in his Air National Guard days. I’ll tell you, that guy used to hit some pretty sleazy places. Anyway, as soon as he saw that dive he started wanting to go around and look at all the other places he used to get smashed in. Man, there were a lot of em.”
Waterhouse, continuing to be as anonymous as someone waving two flares over his head to attract the attention of any helicopters in the area can possibly be said, “The next thing we knew, we were lost. He (George Bush) grabbed the map from the Secret Service agent up front yelling, ‘I know where I am, I know where I am, lemme have the map, lemme have the map!’ Well, I don’t think I have to tell you what happened next. The upshot is, we’re stranded here.”
When asked how President Bush is handling being stranded in the path of a Category Four Hurricane, Waterhouse, speaking on the condition that if he ever gets out of this he’ll vote Democrat in every election till the day he dies said, “You know, as well as can be expected. He made us break into Wal Mart and loot whatever supplies he thought we needed, so we have a lot of bags of Cheeto’s, a case or two of Snapple Raspberry Iced Tea and right now he’s wearing a pair of waders from the Sports Department and a rubber duck pool float around his waist and carrying a pump shotgun. And Road Atlas’s…lots of Road Atlas’s.”