Unconfirmed sources report that in the wake of the Libby indictment and Rove scandal President Bush has decided to shake things up and replace much of his White House staff. In a move to pacify the far right of the party Bush will be bringing on many religious figures including Dr. James Dobson, Jerry Falwell, and the 12 Apostles. These appointments are being seen as a move shore up the Christian Right and introduce some new blood in the White House.
The Apostles will replace the entire cabinet; even the most loyal members of the cabinet, Condi Rice and Alberto Gonzales, are being given the boot. Dobson will be nominated to the Supreme Court and will be a shoe in after the Harriet Mires mess. Jerry Falwell will be taking over Lewis Libby’s job in the Vice Presidents office and should put all ethical questions to rest there. This is going to be a powerful team for the Bush administration and will silence even it’s harshest critics.
“Talk about fire power! Mr. Bush has decided to go for broke during this second term restart, and this is the team to do it with.” Remarked Washington insider Andrew Sullivan. “With the budget a mess, the Plame scandal exploding, Karl Rove on the hot seat, and the military overstretched I figured the Bush administration would be a spent force by this time, but Bush seems to pulling a rabbit out his hat on this one. If Bush is going to save his presidency he will need an aggressive agenda and a team like this to pull it off.”
“I agree with Andrew.” Said partisan pundit David Brooks. “The President is going to need a special group of people to save what little legacy he has a shot at and getting the Apostles out of retirement is just the type of bold leadership his plan will require. Dobson and Falwell are icing on the cake and will assure a strong bond the right wing of the party.”
The Apostles, Dobson, and Falwell, will have a big job ahead of them. The Apostles, no strangers to big jobs have already started. St. John The Greater, who will be heading up Health and Human Services, spoke to a crowd of thousands and relaunched the President’s previously ill fated plan to privatization of Social Security.
“God came to our President in a dream.” Boomed St. John to the mass of voters. “He said ‘George, I have provided a great bounty to this nation, a bounty unmatched in all of human history. I command you to allow your buddies in the private sector make a bundle of money managing it for you.’ Our President has taken those words to heart and given us a plan. A ‘Holy Plan,’ that will safeguard Social Security and make Wall Streeters even richer. The Lord has bid us support the President and I command you to do so.”
If the rest of the teams hits the ground running like St. John the President’s poll numbers should be heading Northward momentarily.
While the White House has announced several of the key appointments, details of the remaining cabinet posts are being kept under wraps. James the Greater will be heading up Health and Human Services, St. Bartholomew will replace Rumsfeld at Defense, St. James the Lesser will take on the Dept of Education and Judas will take over for Condi Rice at The Department of State. We expect that the President will announce the complete roster of his new cabinet and staff very soon.