George W. Bush Appoints the 12 Apostles to His New Cabinet!

Unconfirmed sources report that President Bush has changed his mind and replaced his entire cabinet. The Apostles will replace the entire cabinet; even the newly appointed members of the cabinet Condi Rice and Alberto Gonzales are being given the boot. The appointments are being seen as a move to reward the Christian Right for helping Mr. Bush retain the Presidency.

“Talk about fire power! Mr. Bush has decided to go for broke during his second term and this is the team to do it with.” Remarked Washington insider Andrew Sullivan. “With the budget a mess and the military overstretched I figured the Bush administration would be a spent force by this time, but Bush seems to pulling a rabbit out his hat on this one. He has already laid out an aggressive addenda and he is going to need a team like this to pull it off.”

“I agree with Andrew.” Said partisan pundit David Brooks. “The President is going to need a special group of people to promote his radical addenda and getting the Apostles out of retirement is just the type of bold leadership his plan will require.”

Even with the President’s newly imagined capitol he won by dividing the nation, The Apostles will have a big job ahead of them. The Apostles, no strangers to big jobs have already started. St. John The Greater, who will be heading up Health and Human Services, spoke to a crowd of thousands about the Presidents planned privatization of Social Security.

“God came to our President in a dream.” Boomed St. John to the mass of voters. “He said ‘George, I have provided a great bounty to this nation, a bounty unmatched in all of human history. I command you to allow your buddies in the private sector make a bundle of money managing it for you.’ Our President has taken those words to heart and given us a plan. A ‘Holy Plan,’ that will safeguard Social Security and make Wall Streeters even richer. The Lord has bid us support the President and I command you to do so.”

While The White House has announced several of the key appointments, details of the remaining cabinet posts are being kept under wraps. James the Greater will be heading up Health and Human Services, St. Bartholomew will replace Rumsfeld at Defense, St. James the Lesser will take on the Dept of Education and Judas will take over for Condi Rice at The Department of State.
We expect that the President will announce the complete roster of his new cabinet during his State of The Christian Nation Address that has been planned for Christmas Eve.