George W. Bush Begs United Nations and Carter Center to Monitor Florida Voting!

Unconfined sources report that The President is openly pleading The United Nations and The Carter Center to reconsider their refusal to monitor voting in Florida. In a development guaranteed to ease fears of voting irregularities in Florida The President went on national TV last night and begged for help in making Florida voting fair. The UN and the Carter Foundation are said to be reconsidering their earlier refusal to monitor in the sunshine state.

“America needs help.” Pleaded The President. “We are a strong country, but we are having trouble holding free and fair elections. So today I am humbly asking for help. The Carter Center and the United Nations have helped many countries by monitoring and improving their electoral process. We need that help now! This is America’s hour of need, we asking the world for help in making America the strong and fair democratic society it wants to be.”

“The United Nations has grave doubts about the election in Florida.” Said Secretary-General Kofi Annan. “We would like to monitor the presidential elections in November, considering the string of election irregularities and violence in the southern state, but we are still very concerned. We are reviewing the situation on the ground in Florida day to day, particularly the areas know as “Dade country” and “West Palm.” There has been so much governmental corruption in these areas in the past that we feel they need special attention.”

Speaking off the record other UN officials expressed doubts that a free and fair election can take place in a state where the leader has such strong ties to the sitting President. “We feel the history of undue influence is there. Unless some serious improvements happen in the areas of security and corruption, we plan to maintain positions of safety in Bermuda and The Virgin Islands with non-native UN staffers visiting Florida only when necessary and when safety is guaranteed.”

President Jimmy Carter, head of the Carter Foundation will be driving south from Plains Georgia to visit the Florida state capitol in Jacksonville for informal talks with Governor Jeb Bush. The hope is that two men can come to an agreement that would get the Cater Center people on the ground in time for the election.

The Carter Foundation has been monitoring elections in many foreign countries but certain conditions must be met before they will agree to come in. “Our criteria are pretty straight forward.” Explained Cater. “We require a non-partisan electoral commission to run the election and transparency in vote counting procedures before we will agree to monitor. Florida comes up short in these basic requirements. We would really like to come and help the people of Florida, but we just don’t think the state government of Florida has the will to hold a free and fair election.”