George W. Bush, Brain Dead and Blind and The Downing Street Memo: News- June 17, 2005

Apparently, All’s Ya Gotta Do Is Just Believe:

The parents of Teri Schiavo have questioned the coroners report that determined that the woman was completely blind and had suffered massive brain damage. The Pinellas-Pasco County Medical Examiners Office’s findings have completely undermined Bob and Mary Schindler’s contention that Teri was cognizant and could follow them with her eyes and also that with continued therapy she could have recovered. In a related story, President George W. Bush has questioned the results of thousands of reports that have determined that he is completely blind and must have suffered massive brain damage when it comes to his handling of Iraq and the environment.

I Heard It On PBS So It Must Be True:

The Corporation for Public Broadcasting (PBS) has announced that it will hire an Ombudsman to oversee news and editorial content. The Bush Administration has hailed the announcement and immediately put forward their candidates for the post. President Bush has assured the public that any overseer would be “Fair and balanced”. The White House front runners for the position are former Attorney General John Ashcroft and the Reverend Jerry Falwell.

And You Thought Kerry Flip-Flopped:

President George W. Bush has responded to his assertion that he would be open to eventually closing the prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba by saying that he would not be open to eventually closing the prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. In a written statement the White House said, “We are committed to making sure that every prisoner will be treated fairly by keeping them incarcerated without a fair hearing in perpetuity and will maintain our commitment to the principles that made America great by condoning torture, humiliation and sometimes killing while at the same time denying that it exists, until it is proved that it actually did exist, at which point we will….oh, forget it.”

A Real Administration Downer:

And finally, the Administration is dismissing the so called “Downing Street Memo” in which details the minutes of a meeting at which British Prime Minister Tony Blair and Foreign Secretary Jack Straw among others discussed their belief that George W. Bush was committed to militarily ousting Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein months before actual combat operations began. White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan responded to questions at the reporters daily briefing by asking, “Who are you people gonna believe, us or some foreign guys who don’t even speak American?”