George W. Bush: 'Cindy Sheehan is a Thought Criminal'

CRAWFORD, TX — In what appears to be the preparatory phase of the military campaign against Cindy Sheehan, President George W. Bush is now saying that Cindy Sheehan is a “thought criminal.” The President is trying to rally the people behind his cause.

“Cindy Sheehan has caused my poll numbers to fall so badly, I can’t think of her as anything other than a thought criminal,” decried President Bush.

When one reporter asked the President about the need for military force against a lady like Cindy Sheehan, the President replied, “Well, Iraqis are a bunch of third worlders with no electriciy. It isn’t like they ever posed a real threat to us, yet I decided to attack them. There’s not much difference here between that and this.”

Also, the President has been visiting different fundraisers to raise cash to pay for anti-Cindy Sheehan propaganda.

“We raised $1,225,000 to finance our battle against Cindy Sheehan,” boasted GOP donor and fundraiser, Emma Faker.

“Thought crime is defined as anything that goes against my interests,” said the President, when he was asked about what makes Cindy Sheehan a thought criminal.

“Be ready for some sort of surprise. Like a bin Laden tape saying he works with Cindy Sheehan,” said a senior government official, speaking on condition of anonymity. “A video tape like that would be such a great gift to the President.”

President Bush said that military operations against Cindy Sheehan would begin “at a time of our choosing. You realize that by criticizing me, Cindy Sheehan is helping the terrorists kill American troops?”

When the President was asked about the illogic of that idea, he replied by saying that “logic doesn’t matter. It is a talking point that our political consultants came up with.”

One White House official, speaking on condition of anonymity, told me, “These slogans and cliches that neocons use, you think they can come up with that stuff themselves? Of course not! Who in their right mind could come up with such wacky stuff? Most people’s imaginations do not run wild enough. Instead, they must pay consultants millions of dollars to come up with ideas like: we need to fight them over there, so we don’t have to fight them over here.”