Bush Replaces Top Officials at FEMA With the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Unconfirmed sources report that The President has acted decisively and fired the top four FEMA officials. The President has let go Director Michael D. Brown, Chief of Staff Patrick J. Rhode, Deputy Chief of Staff Brooks D. Altshuler, and Daniel A. Craig. All are long time Bush supporters and political hacks with no Emergency response experience prior to heading FEMA.
The four have been replaced by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Mr. Death, Mr. Disease, Mr. Famine and Mr. War all have legendary experience in field of disaster preparedness and will bring welcome change to the organization.
“The President decided that radical change was necessary at FEMA considering the political heat he has gotten over it’s handling of the disaster.” Explained White House spokesmen Ben Lion. “FEMA needs experienced people running it, not the political hacks we put in there before. We need men that have a ‘take no prisoners’ attitude about their work know how to get things done without worrying about winning any popularity contests. These guys aren’t going to play the blame game, they just get things done.”
“We are very excited to get down there and get to work.” Said Mr. Death speaking for the group. “We have been in this situation so many times, we feel like we are there already. The President is counting on us to do what we do best down there and we are proud to heed the call of a country in need.”
The unlucky Bush appointees that have been replaced by the Four Horsemen will probably land on their feet as they are seasoned political operatives.
Director Michael D. Brown has already accepted his old job as commissioner of the Arabian Horse Society and will start next month.
Rhode, Brown’s chief of staff and former deputy director for Bush’s 2000 campaign has taken a position as MC at an Arlington Virginia Chucky Cheese Franchise.
Altshuler, who was is a former presidential advance man responsible for keeping the President encased in his media bubble during the campaign was signed on with Toby Keith’s current tour as a roady and bouncer.
Daniel A. Craig, political fundraiser, campaign adviser, and lobbyist has decided to devote full time defending himself on federal charges stemming form illegal Hurricane Aid discernments he authorized in Florida in the run up to the 2004 election.
The Four Horsemen are heading to New Orleans and should arrive very soon.