George W. Bush, Cross-Dressing Low Moral and John Roberts: Unconfirmed Sources News Briefs: July…

Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?

In a desperate effort to deflect attention away from the revelations that United States President George W. Bush and his wife Laura may or may not be closet cross-dressers, the White House has announced that even though our children’s children’s children will be in debt up to their eyeballs as a result of the War in Iraq, it will now spend even more money to fight terrorism.

In a news conference held during a visit to a marine terminal in Baltimore, Maryland Mr. Bush said, ” We’re spending unprecedented resources to protect our nation. Of course, this comes after spending unprecedented resources to destroy Iraq and increase the number of new recruits to al Qaida by the tens of thousands. However, between the spending of these two unprecedented resources, the United States can look forward to the next six hundred years of crushing debt, which is actually a good thing. You see, the terrorists hate us, not because of our freedoms as we originally thought, but because after eight years of Bill Clinton we were rich as shit and they were getting jealous. By making it so that the average American will have to struggle to buy their family a potato for dinner, the hope is that the Terrorists will start to feel sorry for us and leave us alone.”

Tell Me, Where’d You Get That Dress?

President Bush’s nominee to replace retiring Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, John Roberts Jr., is refusing to answer questions about whether he, his wife whose name I don’t know, or George and Laura Bush are closet cross-dressers. Despite the complete lack of allegations of sexual deviance however, some Evangelical groups are expressing concern about Mr. Roberts nomination.

Evangelicals are saying that since it was so easy for them to believe that John Kerry lied about honorably serving his country in spite of receiving a Bronze and Silver Star and three Purple Hearts, that former Georgia Senator Max Cleland was un patriotic because he lost two legs and his arm in service to his country and that Dick Cheney’s stint as Vice President of Halliburton had nothing to do with that company’s receiving tens of billions of dollars in no-bid contracts in Iraq, than they’ll believe anything, as long as Robert Novak or Rush Limbaugh tells them it’s true.

I’m Ok, You’re Ok…Or Maybe Not.

The Army is expressing surprise that a new poll of soldiers seems to indicate that moral among soldiers in Iraq is low. Apparently, serving under a Commander in Chief and Secretary of Defense that have no clue as to how to run a war, getting blown up and sniped daily and never knowing if they’ll be allowed to go home to their families due to stop loss orders is having a somewhat negative effect on soldiers attitudes, though no one in the Pentagon can figure out quite why.